Bits &Pieces of thoughts .. Me.

Things of the past

2008-12-24T04:25:00.002+11:00

With the coming of the 31st Dec, i cant help but look back.
Things of the past: -

Looking through a friends blog and wondering if it was a stupid decision to not take up opportunities to go further.
reminiscing about old times with old friends.. and catching up and who's with who doing what with what.
an old grudge that was never quite said, settled or explained but definitely not over.
some secrets that you learn later on that were never quite fully revealed.

Mostly, i find myself accompanied by the feeling of regret this time of the year. Wondering whether i should have done more, seen more, gotten to know more people and traveled more. Am i doing enough? What more do i want? Mmm.. sounds so greedy.

Of course, then the mind wonders forward- to what lies ahead. The job, the place, the friends, the love?

I was somewhat 'inspired' by an ex-classmate recently when we met up. The way he had it all planned and the drive to do it. But why- do i want my life planned out like that? and dont i somewhat already have it planned out? Perhaps its just the plan which has the most prestige and $$ that entices, or the feeling that i could have more if i planned it out well.

The resistance to put myself in a place where i find regret once again.

But if you never knew you could have it, You'd never regret it.

Looking back..

2008-09-19T10:17:00.003+10:00

Ooh.
I think that when we reminisce of things that have past, only the good bits come into focus. We forget the anxieties, the little irritating things and so on. Unless you're thinking of a bad gut wrenching moment.

Packing up for a 2 week break.
Got a job. Got my pay. Got more shopping done.
- getting out now?

Did what i believe was an interesting art piece for a friend. Which started of as a transfer-image thing but ended up as something else.
I love it.

What do you call it? Wanting/regreting not getting something only to find that when its in front of you its not that fantastic after all? Great expectations. Ha.

I need time- to sit down on the side a bit.

In every direction

2008-08-18T04:41:00.003+10:00

Having one of those days where i feel like im not doing enough and i want to do just about everything.

Must focus. Can't just splurge out to do a zillion different things and end up doing none.
There is stuff. But i'm just not looking at what i already have.

There are:-

The malay dances, and hence the upcoming malay movie - which i hope will be enjoyable.
The pursuit of the casual job
The constant uni subjects and endless readings
The IH musical -which i hope will not flop

and.. a keeping a look out for opportunities along the way.

HEADS UP~!!

Su’s Musing : Loneliness

2007-12-17T09:03:00.000+11:00

These are the basic needs of mankind: food, water & shelter. Once these basic necessities are met, as theorized by Maslow, we move up the hierarchy of needs to the next level: social needs.

Watching ‘I Am Legend’, which turned out to be somewhat of a horror show, last night, I was struck by one scene in the movie in which Will Smith, having lost his only companion –his dog, talks to a mannequin pleading her to respond back to him. The desperation that arises in wanting to have someone else when you realize that you are all alone is something we all recognize innately, despite the strong independent fronts some of us put up. I don’t mean having some alone time where you can reflect on things you’ve done, plan what to do next or just lie down to read a book, I’m talking about being absolutely abandoned where you have no one to talk to, no one around you and no one to come for you. Truly, what is there to do once we are by ourselves?

And so, this longing drives us to find a social group where we find support emotionally and physically. Some need only a single person to be there at the end of the day- a husband, some need many to float to and from like a butterfly and some opt for the constantly changing partners – slu.. g. (ha, no not in that manner, but more of having different close friends of the moment). Stepping out of doomsday movies into reality, we are face with many choices on socializing; the depth, the frequency, the duration and so much more.

It is at this point that I look at my own life and identify the friends I’ve had: the ones kept, the ones lost, the new ones made, the ones in the outer circle. I realize that the ones I consider my closest friends are actually the ones who’ve conveniently been around me for a long time. I’m not reducing the friendship to something less, but the main reason it happened was because it was convenient. Let’s face it, would we have any of our friends unless it was convenient? Except for one or two, it was a matter of same time, same place. The ones that still remain despite long dormant periods have their foundations from a moment when a connection was felt during the time of acquaintance. This of course requires mutual yearning to have the link continue. If not it is futile. You’d just be talking to very uninterested wall of a person. And I don’t think you should quite reduce yourself to beg for a response- no we’re not quite at Will’s situation yet, no thank you.

For most of my friends, I can identify why or when we (or maybe just me) decided – yes, this person is going to be a good friend of mine. It all seems so superficial when you break it down to that.

If we really had all the time in the world to know heaps more people… would we still be friends with the people we are? Given more options, given more time. Would TheY still want to be friends with us? What are we missing out on? Would they really help me out if I was in trouble? Yeah. I don’t know.

Im ToTAlly PumPed!!

2007-08-14T22:56:00.000+10:00

I was super ENERGETIC&HYPER today!!

But now im sitting in front of my lappie thinking what work to begin with first.

Work today was for 4 hours! with a stomach filled with just 2 bites of my packed sandwich. Well done, Su !

Spent time at the dinner table being restless, talking nonsense - poor TuTu i was just bugging her all evening psychobabbling. Roamed around the floors of my building visitng people, seeing who lived where, various rooms, talking to people sitting in corridors, seeing the rehearsal for a scene i'm not in.. Before that was playing it out on the piano to avoid annoying Tu further, singing once HengLin came by to play proper music, watching Michael do Poi.. ( this waving ribbons on the end of a string thing- i can do it too! like simple weaving motion, Yeah!)

Now.. back to uni work.
Goodness me, for some of the subjects, i have no idea what sort of questions they're gonna ask and how i'll be able to answer them. Seriously.. sigh.

Nothing like studying to bring u crashing back down to earth.

- -

Upcoming stuff, tiredness & photos..

2007-08-13T17:35:00.000+10:00

I'm suppose to go for a dance practice in less than an hour. Its the opening act of the first ever Australia-Malaysia Film Fest.

I'm in the college musical and was at the publicity booth for an hour today. I chalked ads on the sidewalks the other day. And i most probably have practice at 9 later.

I went to the gym today. I am now a member for 2 weeks. I also went for street latin dance class for an hour at another part of uni.

I have an IFA tutorial tmr. After which i have to go to work for 4 hours.

I went to the bank today. Applied for a credit card and extended credit so i could pay fees. I paid $1800 of fees to college today. And im paying more tmr.

I have 2 weeks of OB reading to do. I have a chapter of Corporations Law to read. I have a corp law tutorial tmr after the lecture, which i do not really need to prepare for thank goodness.

OKAY!

From New Zealand..

My little snowman~~!! Wheeeeeee..e.e.e.e.ee.e. there was snow EVERYWHEREEEEE!!!!

The four of us who went... Zed, Yien, Me and Jian.

Abt.. Tiredness

- Didn't sleep to well last night. Kept waking up through the night. Really didnt want to wake up in the morning. Had to drag myself out.

Hoping for a good night's sleep tonight.

2007-07-26T17:28:00.000+10:00

JUNXI!!

His name was JUNXI!!

Replays

2007-07-24T23:40:00.000+10:00

Clicking the replay button on the MP3 player while i was snuggled down under the covers. Familiar chords of John Mayer come on and i hear me singing in a little girlie pitch voice the intro verse of 'No Such Thing'.

I miss you guys So MUCH. HEAPS. So sorry but i cant remember the other dude's name right now who sang with us at prom.. but i can remember what you sound & look like and how your house is. Ah, listening to the fantastic piano accompaniment.. burst out laughing hearing the sudden "OI" coming from RuoLin when i sang off-key.. -MISS YOU ROOMIE!!- haha.. hearing kim's HAHAHA at the end of the recording..

EVERYONE.. EVERYONE from those days.. AH.
Even the Duck-Oon.. . . and those AH-TEN-TiON-PLEASE announcements..
Even the silly Wake Up Tone Alarm thingy.. . ..

Being locked up together..
Never again will anything close to that happen.

Post-Exam..

2007-07-06T22:54:00.000+10:00

Exams ended 2 weeks ago- that was pretty fast.
Results were out today, and i cant say i was too happy, but i definitely wasnt disappointed with them. Not really.
WEll its done, and i dont want to think about it anymore.

Suddenly felt this wave of nostalgia wash over for a moment.. random memories flashed through, fleeting. They weren't in order, jumping back and forth from my years. Don't know what they had in common to link them up.. perhaps moments which were.. intense? impactful?

On a more positive note, YayyYY.. heading of to NewZealand this Wednesday for a SNOWBOARDing Trip!! WheeE.. Its Gonna be FReeEEezing! Madness!! Just yesterday, we went for a pre-trip trip to Mt Buller here in Melb just to let me get an introduction to snowboarding and for Zed to get the feel of snowboarding again. Haha.. needless to say i fell down heaps of times.. seriously; back, front, side, slide.

Getting up this morning to go to work was a pain.. but not as bad as i knew it COULD have been thanks to knee pads!! [thanks for buying em' for me!]. Aoh.. im telling you, there was just one point while i was up on the slope by myself, sitting down cos i felt tired from picking myself up, the sun had just come out of the clouds and was shining down, reflecting off on the falling snow with the trees in the backgroud. It was just beautiful.

Working again tmr. Hope its a good day. Better start planning for the trip.

We're GONNA HAVE A BLAST!!

Money money money..

2007-05-11T22:22:00.000+10:00

YAYyyY!! i went shopping today!!

.. and i also just calculated how much ive drawn out of my account this semester..

= $ 981 !!

19 more and it'll be a thousand! muaahha.. considering my food is provided in the college..
just HOW OFTEN have i BEEN going OUT ?!!?

oops.

Restlessness

2007-03-31T23:47:00.000+10:00

Hah. I was just about to blog about how ive lost touch with the asean family, when ben ben msgs. Then i realised also ive just mailed kim, elaine, piggy and haven replied alex's sms and thomad's mail. Great going there Su, feelg restless? How bout catchin up with some old friends?

Yeah, feeling restless here cos i seem to be so unproductive while there seems to be so much going on here. Hmm.. but everyones has their own groups and seems impolite to barge in. Wellwell.. im kinda in a zoned out mood anyway.

BUT.. Feeling LOTS better!! and missing ALL YOU GUYS back in Singapore, TMN TUN, .. randoms strays in NZ, UK and Sydney.. heh. yes.. even XL. who knows why?

Off to bed, gotta wake up at 5 !

WHeeEeeEeeEeeeeeeee ..

Whats (written about whats) going on inside..

2006-12-03T21:21:00.000+11:00

After reading 2 blogs of friends, i realised hey.. wow, i never knew she thought that way. Then the obvious, overstated fact rings in my head:- there are so much more to people than just what you see. Or in the way they act and what they say. Blogging.. lets you know whats going on in their heads as well, thoughts/observations. Yet.. its written meant for the public eye.. an author clearly aware of the fact surely will not bare all but choose to filter words or project a certain image and even maybe manipulate this fact to their favour?

Sometimes i forget how much i have and should be gratefull for. Sometimes , when the subject comes up we get so sick talking about it with our perceptions already in place. Sometimes i just get so bored with everything around me.

Then i read someone's blog post. Particularly this friend whom i was really close with back when i was 13/14 but let the friendship fall during the later years. There was a bit of friction when we were 17. When i look her life and shout outs to her friends.. i get envious. Then i realise, i have all this too. I just perhaps dont appreciate it as much as she does and i dont let other people know.

And not seeing, being tired of things, sometimes makes you act like a bitch and you let go of the things you have. I want friends who will last. I want to be able to look back 20 years and still be able to just pick up the phone and talk to them like how it was. I want to know that they'll be there and them to know that i'll be there as well.

I do. I know i do. I just didn't see.

Maybe one day i'll let her know how she's helped me in this indirect way and how much i wished we were on good terms. But then again, maybe if we were, i wouldnt give a damn.

Home for summer...

2006-11-30T05:11:00.000+11:00

Its great to be back! ;)

Day O : unloaded all food stuff. Family was suitably happy. i was happy. Aircon room, queen size bed to myself. Mmmm .

Day 1 : Ate nasi lemak for breakfast. Walked to nearby shops, taking in changes in area.

Day 2 : Morning walk with dad. Church. Jian picked me up. Baptism for future sister-in-law. Quick catch up with church people. Lunch, both families. Went out with Alex & Benben!TGIF food.. yumm. Drove em both back. Never quite driven so far before.

Day 3: Movie, Happy Feet with mummy. Simply ADORABLE! Found my roller blades which parents bought for me 8 years ago! Oiled em up, went about area. Nice on smooth tar road.

Day 4: Discussion bout upcoming church camp. Some mache mask making involving balloons. Lunch with parents. Visit to Erik's.. haha.. played Winning Eleven... 'wrong direction Su!! just X, press X!!'

Day 5: Slept in till late. Mother questions ability to wake up for early classes. [wont lar.. got Tutu luckily!] Dad on mc. Painting masks. Drawing poster thing. Making mini guest book model. Bladed around again.. mmm and DIDNT FALL! almost.. but didnt. Drink with Aaron, Joyce joins us, off to Erik's. Ended up sitting in her merc just talking, parked outside home. Read mail - one of which said i DID NOT UPdaTe my blog. Blogged.

Affected

2006-11-07T13:28:00.000+11:00

The little things that make me feel like poo poo.
i get worked up when : -

i see photos displayed on blogs that dont include me even tho i was there.

a person i like very much as a friend doesnt like me back

a person starts talking to someone else when im midsentence replying him on something he said

someone cuts off anyone else who was talking halfway through a story

other friends who are not-as-close-to-you-as-i-am keep getting mentioned in your blog

i cant remember the last line i read in bloody-ALC workbook when i just read it ten seconds ago

im trying my best not to get worked up but i do anyway

Argh.

Getting things done to get there.

2006-10-31T16:45:00.000+11:00

'... and i cant help but ask myself how much i'll let the fear, take the wheel and steer. '

I wish i could always carry out things the way i plan them. If only i had that desire and zest to do what is needed to get what i want. That energy;- passion, excitement, enthusiasm. The motivation/ inspiration.

' .. whatever you want to do is possible, its just a matter of how badly you want it.'

Like what im suppose to be doing now : studying. Okay, bad example maybe.. how many people do you know who actually LIKE studying? Sure, many love accumulating knowledge [ and then many more love showing it off ] but studying for an exam... come on.

There is passion. Then there is obssession.

There is drive.

Would you love doing something if you were not good in it?

Would you love doing something just because you were good in it?

{{{Honestly, take a pause here and think. What do you like doing?

You're good at doing that aren't you.. But what if you're not, still lovin' it? }}}

What if you thought you were good in it, but discovered you were not at least by other people's standards.. STILL love doing it?

' they can say anything they want to say, try to bring me down ..

But i refuse to falter in what i believe or lose faith in my dreams. '

Strive, then fail.
Strive VERY hard, and fail.

Stop trying, and just realise you're not cut out for it ... or is it a not-trying-hard-enough-situation ?
Because, if you keep on trying hard enough, you WILL succeed.

'get rich or die trying.. '

Default win situation.
If you just persist, eventually one day, you will get it. or just die before that.

We all know where we would like to be. Dream to be. Few struggle to get there. Others forget and settle for less. Others "accept" reality. Short term/ Long term.

'Climb every mountain, ford every stream

Follow every rainbow till you find your dream.'

In the end.. does it matter?

Emotions.

2006-09-05T23:00:00.000+10:00

Random thought: - i love emoticons.

Its so much easier to just hate than to feel guilty. Guess cause when you're angry at someone, the blame is on someone else and you can live with that. But when its on yourself, even if only a little bit, its so much harder to accept- to acknowledge that u did something wrong.

This scene from the movie just comes to mind . .

" Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.. "

Darn. Could i also get a silver ring with that?

Falling into routine..

2006-08-16T15:52:00.000+10:00

Week 4 begins, and in fact is coming to an end soon. Like the title says, i'm starting to get used to all this.. the sights and sounds of the walk to uni, the wait for pedastrian lights to turn green, the rushing from one building to another in uni.. waking up in the morning after listening to the aussie DJs on the radio for half an hour.

The residential college is a great place, a social base. Its good to just walk about in uni and just be able to greet people whose faces u recognise from IH. Having friends just a minutes walk away is especially usefull.. when needing to borrow stuff or just seeking company. The foosball n pool table in the lounge is also fantastic when having found free time at hand.

The only thing im not getting used too is all the reading n work i have to do on my own accord. No one checks, no one follows up. Its just you, for yourself. Soon soon... getting there la. Had the first test, and did alright with 12.4 out of 15. NOt great, but alright. Wish i could have done better, but its okay.

More or less have a group of friends here now, and its only been a month, but theres already drama. Guy A & Guy B like Girl C but then someone from outside the group, Girl D admits to liking Guy B- couple of days after he tells her that he has a thing for Girl C. And all this is shared knowledge among A,B & C. Yeah well, okay.. interesting LIFE.

My 2 girlfrens and i were just talking about these 2 guys who we feel uncomfortable around. True that they behave rather odd, but i was also wondering if what we thought was also due to the fact that people had also said that they WERE weird people. Its like a pre-notion planted inside.. like if people hadnt said that they were really ODD, would i think of them this way now? Yes. BUt maybe not so much. Maybe it has to do with the whole tokok-tambah thing.. or pointing it out, just makes u notice it more. Or maybe, now that we're settling in, we have less tolerance, less politeness, less insecurity about self to want to ignore and accept their manners.

Ah, must remember to be polite. must be nice. must not Scream and run away.

Brr.. its cold in here.

2006-07-26T20:39:00.000+10:00

Yes, im in my room n its cold. Even tho i've got the rectangular heater thing against the wall, it still is cos' the glass panes aren't properly "rubbered" to the frame and i can feel a draft. Hence, the shoved bedsheet at the bottom of the pane which is of tiny significance.

Remember the story of the 2 frogs; one which was placed into a pot of boiling water and the other that had the water slowly heated up till boiling point? Well, frogs have the abilty to match their surrounding temperature given time, so while the first frog leapt out of the hot water immediately, the second one didnt feel the change in temperature at all, till it was too late and became boiled frog.

Being placed into a new environment, i must say, is somewhat of a shock, but not really. Like, i knew there were a lot of asians, but i didnt expect THIS many. I knew drinking was a norm here, but i didnt think so abundantly. Lotsa other things, that i knew, but still was shocked. The whole making friends all over again thing. i get impatient at times, wanting to get to knew the WHole person faster, but it takes time. I want to settle in quick, to know everything like the back of my hand, to be able to move around with ease, to have people i can run to when i need to. i want to be able to talk to the new people as how i talked to the old people about everything and anything, laughing at the similar things.

Lectures just started and i have to get used to running around the campus. Dont quite know my way around yet. Been shopping and bought a coat, have to get used to the prices. Walking around a lot, have to go get more shoes that look good as well as feel good. Met lotsa people, finding the right ones to hang out with and stuff. I remember, when i first started out in class in Singapore, had to keep changing groups within class till i found the most suitable one.

Thank goodness ive found 2 good frens so far, michelle and zi. Makes me kinda feel like the 2nd frog. Except i dont get boiled.

Next stop: Melbourne

2006-07-11T21:51:00.000+10:00

The question has been answered. Australia as the next destination. Pretty much have just 3 days left..

Met some friends at the nearby mamak, 2 diff groups of school friends. Met up with the first bunch at 11.. then later with the other at 12 plus.. While they are all nice people and catching up/ reminiscing was enjoyable, i think about how people always say the 'niceties' that you KNOW will never come true. Its kinda like the break-ups where they go ' we'll still be friends, keep in touch and call each other out' , then never speak to each other ever again. Or how about that friend who always speaks to you as if you're her best friend in the world, how much she misses you, how often she thinks of you, how fond she is of the memories shared; but in actual fact isnt exactly that close in the first place, doesnt bother to write, cant be bothered calling. Am i just taking her way too seriously or reading too much into what she says or having too HIGH a judgement of what is deemed as a close friendship?

Better to just be polite and feign the feel-good feeling? Is there even any value in that.. Maybe its just a polite thing to do or to make yourself and your friend worth more, valued higher.. in the eyes of others too. Kinda like putting on a show whether there is an audience or not, or its just the both of you. In the end, if both parties are convinced of the higher value and closeness of the friendship, who is to say it is not?

Trip back to school

2006-06-22T15:32:00.000+10:00

Yup, as the title says, there i was back in school looking at all the kids in baju kurung la, librarians, prefect blue, pinafore. I couldnt help but giggle and upon seeing the words "usaha untuk kejayaan", promptly burst into singing our school song which last stanza contains the phrase.

My school days were fun-filled, happy days. Largely thanks to the fact that the discipline level was rather slack and the teachers tend to close one eye to students in the upper classes, since we were angels compared to the ones in the other classes. No, im not being a snob or looking down on them, they were just rowdier and more expressive in their discontent. But i guess they also had more to be discontented about. Different backgrounds, different up-bringing, different opportunities.

With the lack of competition, i found myself pretty much running around school doing whatever i wanted. Picture this: when a teacher failed to show up in class, leading to a free period, this usually meant a visiting trip to the staff room would ensue with one of my best friends,Jo & i, checking up on teachers and um.. enjoying the air-conditioning while we were at it. Breaking up fights occasionally, visiting juniors in the other classes, cutting class..crashing classes, driving off for breakfast mid-way when someone had a car, and once when we convince our substitute teacher to do so on his last day, or just simply walking out.

Being in the same surroundings once again, brings nostalgia, and at the same time relieve. Because i know, with all that fun, came a lot of pain and agony too. Lots of mistakes, choices, insecurities & heartaches. A lot of growing up done and lessons learn, leading to who i am in the present. If i had to go through all that again, im not sure i'd make the same choices as i had. Things would be different, could have turned out a whole lots worse, i could have been messed up. Reflecting back, no, i dont think things could have been any better, perhaps only a little and its amazing how things have been fallen out the way it did; beautiful. I have indeed been blessed.

Now its my turn to enjoy and i cant help but look at the kids in the uniforms, and just laugh..

Shutting up.

2006-06-16T03:54:00.000+10:00

Friend just left my house after having a good chat. Was telling him about something i've learnt this week, which we both agreed on; shutting up.

Its when you know something about someone, but you dont need to let that someone know that YOU know. Whats the point in letting the person know? Most often, it will just make the person be wary or feel akward that you know. Or, assume someone broke the trust between them by confiding that to you; nevermind that he didnt explicitly say NOT to tell anyone or the fact that it isnt a big deal or secret. Why the need to show that you KNOW? So you know, does that make you a better person or give you more control, an edge?

Or sharing about someone else to other people [ gossiping?]. My friend was relating about how sometimes when people are dissing or putting a particular person down, how when he knows something abt that person too..that the rest dont know and would probably go 'oOh' if they knew.. he feels its better to shut up. Honestly, what good is there in letting others know about that too? I guess it also depends on the issue at hand. Is wat you're about to say good, bad or just basic info. How u say it too.

So i know something about someone that you dont know about, does that make me better than you? does that mean im closer to that someone as compared to you?

When talking to people, you dont have to let them know you know. Its not having the feeling of contempt in letting the person think you dont know or conversely, feeling proud in showing that you DO know, its more a.. No need la. SHow for what? No need to show off. Nothing to show off.

Adaptation

2006-06-08T02:05:00.000+10:00

I think that as we get chucked into a new environment, and start mixing around with new people, we adapt and change accordingly to what is expected and accepted. Then when we get placed back in our old environment, we switch back to what we were once again before. But that " once again before" is just how we were around the people at home right as opposed to how we were around the people abroad.

Im talking about the 2 years spent in Singapore with the group, and how things are now that we are all back home in Malaysia. Has living, sharing & growing taught us much or are we just back to our arrogant selfs - needing no one , sharing nothing.

Talking..

2006-05-23T03:00:00.000+10:00

Over to Singapore for the weekend. FEELS so good to have talked to SO many people, catching up, having heart to heart talks, sharing of dilemmas.

What is it about sharing that makes us feel so much better? It cant be about just clearing issues, sharing issues on the subject.. thats like.. debates ;) the 'getting weight of your chest' feeling? Finding reaasurance when we confide our problems/fears/hopes with close friends.

Also, sorting out misunderstandings. That, OF COURSE, always feels SO MUCH better after. Overall.. i'd say that it was a VERY GOOD weekend. Even if i didnt get much sleep.

ASSUME: ASS U ME

2006-05-17T18:18:00.000+10:00

Possibly, one of the reasons why im so frank is because i hate people who assume. Its as if im afraid the person will misunderstand me if i dont spit the sentence out bluntly, as plain as possible. I also dislike it when people beat around the bush when trying to ask a favour of me, though i do understand that its actually an attempt at being polite. Most of the time i just play blur which forces the person to come right out and ask me directly - Sorry jo!

Hah, the ironic thing is that, quite often, i assume a lot too. Then my frankness based on an assumption is just, another assumption.

A lot of things are left unsaid, for whatever reason, get cast aside as time sweeps on by. The longer it is left that way, the deeper down it goes and it gets harder to bring up the point.

Then i realised, my parents assume a lot too. Its more of a simply saying things a.k.a jumping to conclusions. ITs so infuriating!! Like if i dont hear them calling me when im in my room , automatic assumption: she is on the phone. Dad will say
'This Su ar.. ALwAYs on the phone, always poh tim wah cuk.. '. And the worse part is, he will always just mutter this under his breathe , so unless i can hear it, he truly believes that and then very not happy about it, possible bad mood later. And WHAT can i do about it? NOthing because .. i dont know, i didnt hear him say it.. and the best part? I WAS NOT EVEN ON THE PHONE LAR!

well well. but what can i do? Unless the person comes to me and brings the subject to surface.

THINK.

2006-05-17T04:25:00.000+10:00

There are people who think lots bout things around them, like analyze and wonder why this, why that, why i feel this way, what made me do that. i just read a frens blog, and she so cute la- posted lotsa why questions on whole loads of stuff. But the ability for her to connect, acknowledge the issues or things; thats what i admire. I suppose thats the reason why she's quick and witty [she really makes me laugh] in conversations too.A really good person to have around, very people person.. hence works for a PR company.

I admire that. But sometimes that just complicates things so much too. Like when the phrase ' you're thinking too much into things' gets thrown at you. Or when we 'read too much into the situation'. Gah!! the solution is of course, to find the balance- as always.

But imagine if there is a line.. like a scale to determine how much of an analyser you are. can i accurately place myself on that scale? but for different matters, we have our different levels. Dont we just make ourselves arrogant by thinking that we do think enough, making us overestimate on the scale and dont we actually limit ourselves by thinking that we do think, bcos a certain sense of complacency settles in that comes innate the assumption. Or how about.. How can i improve myself, making me think more abt what i do? Haha, by blogging. Talking to people. Basically airing those thoughts out kan? Talking out issues is always good , finding where you stand relative to those who are around u, finding that 'hey you're not the only one who wonders on that'.. ie: breaking out of your lil' tempurung?

Hmm.. kan good to have the abilty to connect things lidat? But actually whats the point? to be more responsible? to have people love you more? to extract more satisfaction from d things u do? ALL of the above?

or.. be happy-go-lucky? easygoing. Selamba. Lepaks. Can u still be that way,, and yet think over things? On this, i'd like to think im an easy-going person. Who thinks. Haha..self-praise. Really tho, on some things, its that i DO know whats going on but decide to not let it bother me, and not be annoyed at a person/the situation. Quite trivial tho. so maybe im just, NOT-petty in certain things.

and what about child-like faith? is that simply, choosing to not-think-about it? or a .. no explanations, just believe.