Its one of those things where you screwed up and could have done it beter, but only thought of it after it was over. Know what i mean? The perfect reaction/solution to the scenario hits you only sometime later. Its awfully frustrating to realize you could have done it so much better if only you had given more thought to it. SO badly wish i could turn back time !! The stupid stupid things that i do..
Like: - PW- answering the question Mr Ducro threw at me. Why-oh-why did i give such a thoughtless answer. Desperation, i think. "Just answer the damn question~!"- went through my head. Silly, silly girl. A good, solid answer- with PROPER, logical reasons could have gotten a band one? i doubt our written report would have made it.
- Video for SF- did i think THAT was appropriate to be screened to the entire cohort!? and to think i came all the way back for that. Once again, i was rushing and just to get the tiresome video thing done with and just approved of it carelessly. where was my better judgement.. in fact, where was my judgement at all?
- Voting to Boarders Council 05- Did i have to put such a bitch face on? Was rather put off by the fact i had even bothered to come down while others had stayed in their rooms. Coming down with a bitch face was THE pointless thing to do. The result? Projecting a MEgA-ATTITUDE image to everyone else who came down. Where was my self-respect and respect for others?
And more recently, this morning: at farewell assembly. While it i true that they did not inform me about the presentation thing, i did have an inkling and i could have done a better job of it. So embarrassing.. but what could have been done? Scramble to get Kim a guitar last minute? Sang a cappella? Should have worked things out properly thinking on what to do, instead of having the college in a daze listening to the recording. urgh~ memalufying!! Regrets.. over my A Level results? Something which i definitely do NOT want to feel, and try as i might drilling this into my head and the fact that in order to avoid it, must study study study, i cannot. i will not -- ? I can just see the day, 4 months down the road as we all collect our results in the NJ hall, with B's or maybe C's, while other scholars moan about ONLY getting MerIts on their S papers. Just like how i got a sucky B3 for Bio back in Sec School for SPM. It SUCKS. The replay of the scenario will inevitably occur if i continue in the state that i am in/ have been for the past 2 weeks. WHeRE is my determination!? Self-pity is something i vow to keep at bay. Yet it seem that right now im swimming in it.. quite leisurely too at that. wake up and smell the STINK OF APPROACHING A LEVELS~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [ a description of the exam aptly put by a fellow NJcian] Seriously, wake up. No one else can help you. --Make the best out of what time remains. |
